Dear Diary,
My name is Banji and I am an addict… of sorts! I like to think that there are some obsessions that could be termed as healthy, so permit me to make a case for the several (development) junkies like me out there. And maybe, just maybe, I can make an addict out of you too.
I grew up in a matriarchal society. I grew up with a lot of women; three aunties, 6 cousins and two sisters precisely. It was a bit quirky and dysfunctional but like most families, we made it work. You may be surprised to read that my childhood wasn’t only characterized by learning how to dance the butterfly and staying up to date with the best tele-novellas, the women in my life also helped with Maths homework and attempted to teach me how to ride a bike. They comfortably (and mostly) filled the empty spaces the men had left behind.
It was in that flat in Surulere, bustling with activity and brimming over with laughter, that I began to understand labels and social inequalities. For instance, if someone asked, Banji, why are you so quarrelsome, the apt response would be – it’s because I grew up with only women o and all will be well with the world. Like somehow, it was expected that when you grow up with only women, you would end up with a sashay, plaiting hair and being the back-to-back champion of ten-ten in the neighbourhood.
But it was exhausting, explaining, that this market-woman persona was embedded in my DNA, even if I grew up in a barracks filled with burly men, I would probably still be same ol’ me. From these women, I learnt courage, perseverance and appreciation of the sciences but regardless of how smart or how strong they were, people saw a woman first rather than substance and it didn’t seem ideal. As an outlet to further understand the power of labels and inequalities, I wrote. Through my days in secondary school and University, I penned down short stories, term papers and even an entire thesis on the concept of inequalities and building bridges.
I got the opportunity to do more than write during NYSC when I worked in the Millennium Development Goals Group as my CDS. This was only the beginning of various volunteering stints. From visiting the Dustbin Village in Ajegunle to enrol students in Primary School to teaching creative writing in a public school, I sought to make the world better than I left it. It made me forget about my insecurities and to be appreciative of the life I had going for myself. Unfortunately, the opportunity to be more than just a volunteer didn’t come knocking.
Most times, initiatives folded because of their reliance on aid and grants to successfully execute their projects. This made me a tad hesitant about dedicating my life towards working within the development space as I had grown accustomed to a relatively comfortable life as a professional in the financial services industry; with its plenty stress and few perks, I was always guaranteed a couple hundred thousand every 30 days. My heart wanted to do more but my head told me it was safe to continue as a volunteer and take care of my needs and my mother. I drank, partied, had a few (no, a lot of wild nights) but I knew something was missing, and the more I ignored it, the more restless I became.
Serendipity: the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.
This was how I found Sustyvibes and what struck me the most about my first encounter with Jennifer, was the welcoming aura. My pronouns were quickly corrected from personal to collective. But it wasn’t just a lesson in English, there was an unspoken bond and friendships within this group of young Nigerians, who were extremely smart, passionate and optimistic about Nigeria. I immediately yearned to be part of them as in almost a decade of volunteering, I had never felt or allowed myself to experience such a feeling of community with people who I only knew by conversations we had in a WhatsApp Group.
It’s been a year and over this period I have transitioned from Contributor to Team Lead to… I am not even sure what I am now, but this has become more than a stopover for me. And as each day rolls by, I keep learning, unlearning and relearning about who I am and what I was made for. Sustyvibes gave me this opportunity and when I wear that (tight) white shirt, I wear it with a sense of pride and purpose. But our story isn’t about roses and rainbows and unicorns. Like young organizations and non-profits, we are riddled with challenges such a funding to execute projects and big organizations who “borrow” our ideas after pitched to them. And some most times I just want to run and allow another person to fight the good fight while I cheer from the sidelines. But it’s not enough anymore.
Despite the challenges, there are boundless opportunities to be so much more. And we won’t always be broke(n). And so we remain resilient, dreaming BIG dreams, being idea machines about how we would truly redefine youth advocacy in Africa, unhindered by limited resources and selfish desires. Would my mind triumph over matter? Will I walk away from this almost perfect lie that I am living and plunge into uncertainty? Time will tell but I am confident that beyond this uncertainty lies happyness and fulfilment. And so I choose to…
I hope to share many more entries with you; about our wins and losses; trials and victories; hellos and goodbyes. I hope that someone stumbles on this entry and chooses to become a SustyViber or chase whatever it is that keeps them up at night (as long as it is Legal) and gives you the extra oomph to go on tough days. I hope that you do not tarry too long to and that when you do you give it your best shot and no matter how many times you stumble or the door closes you keep trying.
Enough of the pulpits talk, I am going to eat rice and palm oil stew.
Sustainably Yours,
Banji