As a lady, you must have asked your male counterparts the reason for the ‘Cheating Culture’ at some point in the past and you most likely got one of the following responses – “It’s a man’s world”, “It’s in our DNA”, “It’s different with men, it doesn’t stop us from loving our partners” or “Men aren’t monogamous in nature”.
Well yes, sadly, it’s a man’s world. No, it’s not in your DNA (yet to be scientifically proven) besides; you’re not a wild animal as seen on NatGeo. All humans are higher animals actually, if you disagree, I don’t see you throwing faeces at your screen. It might be different for men because we are wired differently emotionally but somehow most cheating men end up falling for the mistresses/ side chicks, what’s up with that? Finally, did someone important die and leave a sacred book detailing the polygamous nature of men?
I call it a culture because this trend precedes colonization by the white man and further appropriation of his religion and western culture by our people. It became a way of life for men; imbibed unconsciously and that’s why the reasons given by the modern day Nigerian man do not seem tangible enough to hold water. I’ll tell you why soon.
I’ve had a few conversations with some older friends of mine (yeah, I have many elderly friends- I learn a lot from them) and I also happen to attend women fellowships where these women share their stories which are actually more like trials. On such occasions, you hear some talk about how they haven’t had sex with their husbands in decade(s) or more and how their husbands seem to still cheat. So I figured it’s not an age thing. These women seem to view millenials as the Lost Generation or the over-sexual generation because they were made to believe that sex with your spouse should solely be for procreation and not pleasure.
As if the brainwashing wasn’t enough, they were circumcised!! The archaic reasons for this are so that the women wouldn’t be overpowered by sexual desire causing them to cheat on their husbands and to make the women satisfy their husbands for longer. You just keep getting pummeled and if luck is on your side and you’re one of the few women who reach orgasm by vaginal penetration, whoop whoop, you get something from the pummeling. Don’t get me wrong, the average circumcised woman is able to reach an orgasm but this is subject to many variables such as duration of stimulation, type of female genital mutilation and state of mind. So it’s no wonder that most of the older women (40s and above) and some younger ladies are able to stay decades without sex and when they do have sex, it’s basically just “ploughing”. They have decreased or lack of sexual desire and/or pain during intercourse. Besides, if you’ve been told that you aren’t supposed to enjoy the sweetness of sex so much, your mind is programmed that way and you just see it as a chore. This is not to say that some don’t enjoy sex. I’m trying to paint you a picture so calm down.
Female genital mutilation/female circumcision is not a subject people like to talk about or own up to, however, a few oral surveys have been done and it will shock you to know that husbands of women who’ve been circumcised have on so many occasions given that as a reason for cheating on their wives. See here and here.
Imagine the impact of this age-old practice of female circumcision which was just banned by law in 2016. It is said that almost 20million Nigerian women have undergone female genital mutilation/female circumcision. Let me give you a scenario, bear in mind that there was no such thing as porn (to learn from), sex education, sharing of stories and even UNICEF/UN mandate against this action: if my great great grandmother was circumcised in an environment where it was deemed normal and prideful, her husband cheated on her probably because he didn’t like the look of her vahjayjay or she wasn’t responding with the “oooh-aaaahs” because she so happened to not be the type to be peaked vaginally. He kept cheating until he got a second wife and other men his age did so for the same reasons. Their children experienced these things in their marriages as well and decided to remedy the situation by doing as their fathers did and the cycle continued until present day. Bear in mind that the practice must have been done extremely crudely back in the day.
We are in present day Nigeria and there’s a massive decline in female circumcision, increase in appropriation of western culture, popular culture, porn culture, imbalance in the ratio of women to men, aristo/runs culture AND the stories/experiences we’ve had of our fathers and ancestors cheating and it being seen as normal. Combine all these and tell me you don’t understand the reason why an exposed 21st century male will think he’s entitled to cheat if he isn’t getting what he wants from his partner, sexually.
So…. No, it’s not in your DNA; you aren’t made that way, women can cheat too but most can’t, not because of their emotions or monogamist tendencies but because SOCIETY MADE US THAT WAY. The cheating culture is now intertwined and interwoven into the fundamentals of our traditions and culture as a people. Apart from the teaching of the White man and his religions which say you shouldn’t cheat by fornication or adultery, it’s up to us as #Millenials who are more privy to information on subjects like this to actually break free from this cycle as well as take a stand against Female Genital Mutilation. In some regard, it’s the root of some of the evils we face in our society. All I ask is that you think about it.